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What is my love language

Relationships can be though. Yes, in most cases, the good things outweigh the bad stuff but couples do have to spend time (sometimes a lot) to learn to communicate with each other if they want things to work in the long run and if they both want to be happy in the relationship.

There are tons of methods, concepts, and techniques which you can use to increase the odds of working out the problems that may arise in your relationship, and one of those things is the concept of the 5 love languages.

You might have already heard of these languages of love – they are a concept first introduced in 1995, by the author, Gary Chapman, in his book, The Five Love Languages: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.

THE BIG FIVE

According to Chapman’s concept, there are five love languages and everybody has one primary and a secondary and by discovering your own and your partner’s language you can basically help evade conflicts and solve them more efficiently.

According to him, by understanding each other’s love language in a relationship, you two can work things out much easier and will be able to add “quality” to your relationship, either through words, togetherness, gifts or by actions which you do for each other. 

Love languages – in his concept – help a couple communicate their love better and thus, these love languages help form a solid base for the relationship and can strengthen the existing bond between two people.  

A love language is a way someone values, understands and communicates love, and We See You will help you find out your own love language right now.

QUALITY TIME 

This love language focuses on the time that a couple spends together and a person whose language is quality time will value when they are given undivided attention. 

Yes, spending time together can be wearing sweatpants, eating pizza and binge-watching shows, but in this case, we’re talking about something else. While, in some cases, overdosing with Netflix and junk food can work, in most cases the quality time we’re talking about would be more about talking to each other, looking at each other, or making memories, getting to know each other better rather than a sitcom marathon. 

Quality time can be a rough language, since we all have tons of commitments and only a limited amount of time at our disposal. When you commit to spending some of your free time with your partner whose love language is quality time, talking and just, being there for them, they will truly understand and value the love you show to them. 

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION 

Some people value the time they spend together with their significant other the most, while others will feel and will express love the best with words. 

Words of affirmation and appreciation can go a long way in deepening a relationship and showing true love. Simple and straight observations or remarks will do the trick. “You look stunning in that dress”, “That suit compliments you”, “Your hair is lovely today”, “I love it how you can always make me laugh”, etc.

Words of affirmation are powerful tools of conveying your love and emotions and no wonder it’s one of the five love languages. 

When it comes to these love languages, there can be different things that your partner will value (if words of affirmation is their love language), however, most experts agree that making them feel appreciated will satisfy their needs. 

If your partner’s love language is the one mentioned above, don’t shy away from expressing your love for them with words. Make them feel appreciated and loved by expressing how you value them or the fact that they’re a part of your life.

RECEIVING GIFTS

While all romantic relationships are based on giving (either our time, words of affection, attention, etc.), for some people, visible symbols (physical gifts) are the best tools of showing love and how you value them.

You might jump to the conclusion that these people are materialistic, but for them, holding even just a little something you gave them says: “Oh she remembered how much this meant to me. She listened,” or “He was thinking about me”.  In this case, it’s not the gift that really matters, it’s the symbol of you thinking about them, and that thought is what really matters which is expressed through the physical gift. The gift itself doesn’t have to be expensive, or it doesn’t even have to cost any money.

PHYSICAL TOUCH 

Emotional love and physicality go hand in hand. There is also actual evidence with suggests that infants who have been held, kissed, and stroked have developed healthier emotional traits and habits later in life than those babies who received less physical contact. 

For some, physical contact remains detrimental in their relationships as well. For these people, kissing, holding hands, and sex are powerful ways of communicating affection, love, and trust. They need physical contact to feel loved, to feel secure in a relationship. 

This is a no-brainer, however, there are some people out there who aren’t that “touchy”, If this is the case, go slow, and be honest about it with your partner. Don’t start by doing stuff that makes you uncomfortable. For starters, sitting next to each other a little closer than usual can be good. Touching your partner’s shoulder as you pass them by can also be a good start. A brief kiss, a few hugs here and there will all help you get started and will help you ease into it. 

In all honesty, this maybe is the simplest love language out there because you the only thing you have to do, is to show your love with physical contact. Unless it’s a long distance relationship. 

ACTS OF SERVICE

Simply put, this is lending a helping hand or doing certain things for your partner.

These things don’t have to be radical, sometimes small little chores, like setting the table, washing the dishes, cleaning up or cooking dinner will do the trick. 

Yes, sometimes, these things require planning, will take time and will require your focus, however, when you’re positive about it, they can be pretty powerful expressions of the love you feel for your partner.

THE TAKEAWAY 

As you can see, these love languages require different approaches, however, all of them require YOUR efforts and positive spirit to “make it happen” for your partner.

The key is to communicate in your partner’s love languages is to do it in a positive, willing matter. This way, even if you can’t get it always right, you will at least know that your partner acknowledges your actions and your efforts. In return, they will also strive to satisfy your love-needs too. 

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Quality Time – Love Language Explained

Smiling couple in love outdoors

Your relationship is going smoothly, however, you want to be on the safe side, and you’re looking for ways to solidify things with your partner. You’re all over the place about them, you love everything about them and not just the awesome things, the quirks too. This is exactly why you want to connect even more.

While you were surfing the internet for different ideas, you came across Dr. Gary Chapman’s work, The Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, where you’ve learned about the five love languages or ways you (and your partner) can show and recognize love and affection.

You’ve liked the idea and gave it a quick test, and it turns out, you “speak” the love language of quality time. What to do? How to deepen your love? What is quality time love language to begin with?  And, what are kind of ideas should you explore if your or your partner’s love language is quality time?

You don’t need to look any further for the answers. We have the inside scoop for you.

QUALITY TIME

When it comes to love languages, it’s important to know what makes your partner tick. In relationships, it’s utterly important to know and to learn how your partner responds to love and how they actually feel loved. This sounds way too simple but the biggest problem is, that a lot of couples don’t really take the time to discover these things about each other until it’s either a bit late, or when there’s a huge conflict they need to resolve.

So, the best strategy to start avoiding conflicts is to know your own love languages and how it works. By knowing what makes you tick, you can better understand your reactions and this can come in handy if you want to stop any confusion or conflict before it actually unfolds,

If your love language is quality time, you’re in for a tricky one. Why? Because it’s time – you both have a limited amount of that. Let’s say, if your love language is something else, like Words of Affirmation or Affection, your partner may have it a bit easier, and it giving you what need wouldn’t be that demanding. However, if it’s quality time, then it’s quality time. It is a bit harder, because, as we’ve said it already, time is finite, meaning, at times, time can and will be difficult to find or to give up. Before you get all worked up, don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that you can’t make your relationship work or that you’re totally entitled to your time in the relationship. You just need to know how to explain things to your partner and to manage that quality time the best you can.

HOW TO PRESENT IT TO YOUR PARTNER?

What we’re going to say right off the bat is this: don’t freak out because of your love language, and definitely don’t freak out if you and your partner don’t share the same one. You don’t need to speak the same love language in order to make it work, and speaking different love languages is actually cool and more exciting. The thing you as a couple are better off focusing on here is to understand each other’s love language and the specific needs which come with them.

This isn’t that easy, however, it’s not impossible. Understanding each other’s love language not only means understanding the person and how their needs are different, but you also need to understand that what’s important for them is different from what’s important to you and sometimes, you’ll have to separate your wants and needs form theirs. Don’t worry, if you give them what they want, you’ll get what you want in return. The key here is not to be selfish, you’re working for one another.

When you want to present your love language to your partner, the first thing you want to do is to tell them that you need this from them. If you’re already spending a lot of time together, it’s not a problem, and if you two speak to same love languages, it’s pretty easy. What you want to do in this case, is telling your partner that you value every single moment spent together and that you need exactly that.

Problems usually arise if you’re not getting the time you need.

When explaining your needs you don’t want to come off as being possessive. Just tell them the truth: that you want to spend more time with them, since every amazing moment spent together means so much to you. On the other hand, let them know that you want them to have a fulfilling and awesome life outside of the relationship, however, you feel secure and valued in the relationship if you spend more quality time together.

HOW QUALITY TIME LOOKS LIKE? 

When we say quality time, the emphasis is on QUALITY and not time. Yes, Netflix and chill can be amazing too, but that’s not something you two would want to do over and over again. Don’t get us wrong, hanging out in sweatpants, binge watching shows, and eating pizza is fun, however, if it gets repetitive, you’re eventually going to feel that neither one of you is trying to make an effort.

When we’re talking about quality time, you need to make things count. Date regularly, for example. Yes, getting familiar in a relationship is cool, but courtship should never end. Apart from date nights, try new things, give couple activities a try. Do something that’s just the two of you.

THE TAKEAWAY

Again, what you need to understand, that it’s quality over quantity. Even if you don’t spend as much time together as you’d like, the time you do spend together should worth both your while. Apart from that, you’ll have to accept the fact that your partner may need more “alone time” than you do. Appreciate every little effort they make and try to do the same – keeping their respective love language in mind.

Lastly, communicate, whenever you to speak openly about your needs, chances are, you’ll reach common ground.