Romance novels are nothing new, but in 2011 50 Shades of Grey hot the shelves and became one of the most popular and viral romance novels of all time. The book and author E.L. James became the most talked about, watched, and read topics of the year. Why all the hype? We like to think it had a little to do with the introduction of BDSM to readers, listeners, and fans of all kinds.
Everyone has an opinion, and many have strong opinions about sex, what it should or shouldn’t look like, who should do it, when and where they should do it and so many other buffers and judgments. Truth be told, the book 50 Shades of Grey allowed a sexual subculture to emerge as trendy and true for anyone who is looking for a little extra sexual play in their lives.
So, what is BDSM and why has there been so much hype around the topic? Is it really everything people make it out to be? Read on and get more insight into the sexual practice, what it is and how you can implement it in the bedroom for an out of this world sexual experience.
What is BDSM and what does it stand for?
BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism or bondage, dominant, submissive as the terms are interchangeable. Those who practice BDSM on any level will be the first to say that BDSM is represented in pop culture and even some porn as very different than it is in real life. For those who practice BDSM, it is consensual sex that is safe and fun while also pushing boundaries and pleasure for both partners. Truly, there is nothing boring about BDSM.
Bondage is representative of the tools, toys or applications used during consensual, role-play sex. Bondage types can include rope, blindfolds, handcuffs, restraints, leashes, chokers, tape and many other toys and tools for sexual pleasure. One partner is in bondage while the other is referred to as the dominant. In a bondage scenario, the submissive partner is the one who is bound.
Dominant can refer to the person who is facilitating a dominant experience or the person who is being dominated. Both dominant and dominated receive sexual pleasure out of being dominated or being the dominator. A dominant person has the characteristic of being superior. For a man, the dominant is referred to as a Dom and a female is referred to as a Domme.
Submissive refers to the partner who is not the dominant and receiving pleasure from the Dom or Domme. Depending on the degree to which a couple is practicing BDSM a sub could be bound or restrained while receiving pleasure.
The “SM” in BDSM can also apply to the term sadomasochism or the giving and receiving pleasure stemming from acts of humiliation from one partner to another. Sadomasochism can vary in degree of humiliation or pain from whipping or mimicking one partner being a sex slave to the other. Partners may have fixed SM roles of being fluid with exchanging dominant and submissive in a sadomasochistic relationship or partnership.
The history of BDSM
It isn’t easy to pinpoint the earliest of early BDSM practices because, I’m sure even in the days of cavemen and women there was some pleasing hair pulling and rough play enjoyed by both parties, but some of the earliest literature dates back to the Marquis de Sade (1740-1814) who was a man who lived in France and was labeled as both an aristocrat, writer, philosopher and founder of libertine sexuality representing erotic sex with a sadomasochist undertones and describing violent (at the time) sexual positions, scenes, stories of erotic sex and more.
At the time his depiction of libertine sex landed him not only in jail but also in an insane asylum for most of his life. His work showed illustrations of women being tied up, group sex and erotic BDSM practices that are still used today.
But LONG before Marquis de Sade, there were cultures who practiced group, erotic and BDSM sex that can be seen in sculptures, in temples, in the good books of the kama sutra and more. One massive archeological dig not long ago unearthed (literally) evidence that BDSM existed in the early Mesopotamia (4000-3100 BCE) with ritualistic ceremonies around sex, dom and sub roles, pain and pleasure tones and even cross-dressing!
Some of the freakiest of freaks were found in Greece and Rome as early as the 5th century BCE were whipping, flogging, gagging and blindfolding were not abnormal sexual practices to those who had money, lots of wine and of course very fancy and clothless dinner parties. There have been countless trinkets, books, and illustrations of BDSM practices in Mesopotamia, Pompeii and of course in the East where kama sutra was a fundamental way to have mind-blowing sex for centuries and still going hard today!
Kama Sutra is one of the most ancient Sanskrit practices of sex where men and women equally and together as a group partake in wild, creative and meditative sex with one another or as a group. Literature has shown that not only did those who practiced kama sutra have unique, bendy and controlled breathing sex, they also incorporated BDSM. Some texts even suggest that only women who enjoy the acts that went into whipping or flogging should be asked to participate. Showing some consensual sex right from the get-go! We love you Kama Sutra!
Who is BDSM for?
At the end of the day, BDSM is for everyone. From 5th century (and probably earlier) on, men and women have willingly participated in BDSM sex for their personal enjoyment and for the sexual enjoyment of their partner or partners. There are so many different and varying ways to enjoy BDSM, the most important characteristic is having a conversation with your partner to see what you want to do, how you want to do it and how far you want to go. Open, honest communication is important in any relationship and should always be practiced when risk, edge forward or kink sex is at hand.
For more blogs about BDSM and sex as a whole, read more of our blogs on We See You and let us know what you like and want to see more of. Have fun, be safe, and enjoy yourselves!
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